The taste of my love 

With none of it wasted-

My love simmers here

Just for you.

Gently piping away

You could taste it. 

Taste the freedom 

That it’s laced with.

Cherish the honesty 

That it’s graced with. 

22nd December 2012- our wedding day: Darryl and Yvette Hess

22nd December 2012- our wedding day: Darryl and Yvette Hess

We did it. After announcing our wedding 3 months ago, we managed to organize (with the help of many hands) a wonderful event: filled with love and smiles.

The past year has been such a rocky one, and I’d like to thank my husband for being with me, every step of the way.

“Time waits for no man”- whoever said that was right.

Darryl and I took a leap of faith- and we are so happy!

Jump! The view is beautiful from way up here 🙂

Stay tuned for more pictures, a little reflective post and some news on our new baby on they way.

Live life,

Yvette Hess

[New Poem]: Love Hate

Love was nothing more than a shadow, an empty space- pain lay there splattered on the floor. Opened eyes reveal death, sadness and lies- they leave, smiling, as they exit by the door.

I’ll kill you twice and love you less- bite my lip as you say your goodbyes. I want to cause you pain- see you fall to your knees because Jesus deserted you, wiped His hands clean.

You hurt me deep- bled buckets just for you- and you- and you- all the versions of truth and bled buckets of hope for us- especially you.

And what did it mean?
Not much as such.

As we ebb between hate and mistrust, the middle ground remains- sludge and dirty love- all in hope of better circumstance.

A perfect fucking love stays true, all God gave was shitty circumstance.

[Re-posted Poem]: To my sweet responsibility

Dedicated to my son, Cayden Lyle Adams

You took my youth from me-
And it shames me to say.

You took my fast nights and those super cool drinks away.

You took my care free days and oh so sexy ways and it’s-
Okay.

But, You took my life as I knew It to be.
And brought me the essence of what it ought to be.
Oh, what a responsibility.

To live this life of guilt
Is not fair.
I question my God’s reasoning under this hair.

For you to not see me around
Is really not fair.

But my baby boy-

My love for you lives in the pages of that heavy book.
My love for you is evident in that it will leave my perseverance unshook.

You gave me this drive-
To do more than just survive.

Without you, my sweet responsibility-
I am not alive.

[New Poem]: Winter Sun

Your love is like the winter sun,
Scorching torture-
That never lasts long,
Never long enough to linger
On past, present or the future.

Barely heat enough to warm this soul,
Dried, lips, crack’d-
The icey cold is heartfelt,
Cramp’d.
Winter sun-
Why can’t you make us whole?

Oh song unsung,
Battle not won.
Winter sun,
Lead me to the worthy one.

[New Poem]: Silly Songs

I miss the silly songs we never sang.
I miss the words,
The lines
To the rhyme we never began.

I miss the holidays we never shared
I miss the tastes,
The memories
The laughs we never had a chance to bear.

I miss the love we never had.
I miss the pain,
The depth
Of the place of love we never dared gain.

Untold lies, forgiven.
Misunderstandings, nev’r liv’d-
Secrets breathed no life into this.

Love, we nev’r liv’d-
There’s nothing to miss.

[New Poem]: I close my eyes

I close my eyes
I imagine us entwined
I imagine us survive
I wish this magic wouldn’t ever die

And it did
It lied and you never cried
Why didn’t you show more?
Who am I kidding- there was nothing more.

I’m broken inside
I sigh, you leave and that’s the goodbye.
Why did you make me want you more?
Who am I kidding- you don’t want this anymore.

And I miss us-
When I close my eyes-
I miss us.

Your scent lingers longer
And the stent of old magic overpowers the hunger.
The hunger for you.
When I close my eyes
You hold me still.
That old familiar warmth of you remains, still.

I’m restless,
When I close my eyes.
This love is tasteless,
When I close my eyes.

Nothing can hide my sadness
Even when I close my eyes
They open to Love’s fairy tales and
Our futures’ lies.

Expectations, Ellipses and lack of Effort-Kills relationships

** Disclaimer: I make up words as I go along**

As the title suggests- this short piece centres around what kills relationships. These, obviously amongst other numerous reasons. Forgive my bitterness- just discovered I’m a bitter woman. But I’ll have a sense of humour about- and laugh. Har- Har.

Ever noticed how friends are just the best people to have in your life? You know, those amazing people you choose to have around you. Then one day, romance comes along- sparks fly and you’re in a relationship. Down the hill the romance goes and sparks die, dead. How did it happen?

I know how. The first way, through- expectations. Yes, specifically those that don’t coincide or change as time goes-a-flying-by. I expect this, and you expect that- sometimes there are possibilities that either one’s expectations can change- other times not. It’s got nothing to do with love, really. Because the feelings are there, and they are strong. It’s what works, what’s tolerable and what’s good for both partners. Yes? I hope so. I have an ex who only works as a friend/ big brother- when we were together, we expected too much from one another- and it smothered the growth of the relationship. This is fine, in my opinion, because now I have a great friend and I don’t have to fight with him every day.

In the title, I mentioned ellipses. Yes, those cute little dots we put at the end of a sentence. Those words often elude to, what? Who knows. They open the can of ‘mystery’, ‘uncertainty’ and ‘promise of everythings and nothings’, all at the same time. Let me give you and example. Person A: “I miss you… I love you… We should make plans.. Yes, maybe one day… I’m not sure… Let’s see…” Wow, and then? It’s like they are open-ended conversations that go either really badly or really well, very quickly. What’s wrong with that? Maybe nothing, maybe a lot is wrong with too much freedom and open-endededness… <—see what I did there? These dots leaves you to think, but by yourself. And we all (should) know when you think by yourself, and reflect alone- it's good- it's great. Just sometimes you get stuck in 'alone-ness'. Once that happens- you forget about what any one else thinks or feels and all you have is your ellipses. The dangers are, in my opinion, that if there is no direction in the relationship, or no communication as to what the direction should be- open-endedness can kill the relationship. Yada Yada, trod along, here we go- let's follow the ellipses, but where to?

And finally the last 'E' I can address is 'effort'. I feel like this is an obvious one. Or is it? What is effort? Some liken this, in relationships, to romance or spontaneous romantic gestures. Eh, maybe they are right. I believe it's more than the 'romance' and the pink, warm, mushy stuff we attach to effort in relationships. Effort is a broad term for: 'do what you can to make that person you're with know that you're happy, you appreciate them, and you want to give attention because they deserve it- in a way that they can feel it- not how you you would want it'. Or am I pushing it, a bit? I think I had this conversation with an ex. He asked, "How am I supposed to know what you like and what you want me to do?" My reply: "You used to do all those things when you were trying to get my attention. Now, do those things to keep it." I paused and then said, "Ask me, or google it. But do it."

Harsh? Maybe.

Triple E effect.

Miss Y

Chase me on twitter: @yvette_adams

[Poem]: My heart, ached

My heart, ached- by Yvette Adams
 
Another heartache you are to me
More than blood you drew from me
 
If only you believed in every word I meant
If only you stayed true to every word you said
You’d realize that –
That smile of your eyes
Cleared my dark skies.
 
That every minute of the past
Died slowly, because of pain that you so sweetly
Masked.
 
Don’t think of this as
Time spent on you
Or lines splurged on the hopes of you
No.
No.
Here I express great regret.
I express my pain that I never wish upon you
Or me again.
 
A pain that kills hope
A pain that killed hope
A pain that was hope.
A hope that became this pain.
 
I never accept second best-
God would never put me through that test.
He’d never let me find the One,
the One that would put all my fears to rest-
And take him away-
And to this you were supposed to attest.
 
Just say your goodbyes and move on
This heart aches because
Your soul played (with) mine
For fun.

[Poem]: Satan’s Mule

Besotted with you
Needing you
To-
Feel my depth.
Feel my darkness.
I’m hopeful, there’s some
Likeness
To our darkness.

I’m hopeful, there’s some
Bitterness
We both can
Swallow and
Wallow in.

Just like we always do-
Mellow in.

You win, we sin.
I win, we lose.

We lose dear fool.
Lovers lose in the world of
Reality and rules and
Satan’s mules who-
Drag the past, the pain
And the hate we both
Wallow in.