Blue flame

Slowly moving.  
Sensually gliding. 

I’m engrossed. 

So just dance!

Your blue is-

So intriguing

So misleading. 

Your heat 

I can’t touch. 

I can’t have. 

I can’t hurt. 

Oh to embrace you! 

Oh to feel your freedom. 

Just to be!

The taste of my love 

With none of it wasted-

My love simmers here

Just for you.

Gently piping away

You could taste it. 

Taste the freedom 

That it’s laced with.

Cherish the honesty 

That it’s graced with. 

[New Poem]: Whisper smiles

Days of darkness 

Haunt your days

But

You crack whisper smiles

To ease the 

Bursting pain.
The lie you live-

is cinematic

Almost Nostalgic

Your audience –

Feeding off it

Feeding off you

Leaving you empty

Keeping you thirsty 

And paining to please the world 

Through your faint whisper smiles.

Sleepy Saldahna Bay

I have just made a major move the west coast in the western Cape, South Africa.  It’s about an hour and a half out, so it’s not that far,  but it what a difference it is living here.

Sleepy town life

Traffic only whispers in the morning
Birds fly free all day
To play in the promise that tomorrow still stays the same
I sit and wonder about old city life’s bitterness
I sit and ponder on schedules and deadlines and time
When it has no authority here.
I sit with Worry,
Time’s cruel friend.
I sit and miss life’s cruel games.
There’d be rules and structure and a place for me to play
Now there’s none of that
Just me and birds and words
And ties to tomorrow’s waiting game today.

I hope the poem makes sense. Let’s call it a draft 🙂

I haven’t written  much on my memoir this last few days as I have been so busy with the move. It’s been crazy and I think the sudden stop has left me feeling strange. I’m left trying to catch my breath when the world over here has stood absolutely still. So I look crazy. Right?

I feel crazy.

What’s even more strange is that some of the plants here, the birds, and the land between places reminds me of the Free State where I grew up. I become so nostalgic every day, yet I haven’t written a word.

I’m hoping this will pass.

Here’s to new beginnings.

Yve

http://www.ourlivedexperience.wordpress.com

[New Poem]: This Life

This life
by Yvette Hess

Dreams strung wall to wall.

Pills pop

And I swing

I dream of jumping,
I end falling
Failing
And bleeding

I bleed,
Ending it all.

Oh but it’s fast again

Words speed through

And I write

And I’m alive.

I can’t stop.

Living this,

Like this.

When every breath is a test.

I’m sorry

I’m so sorry

I am grateful.

It’s just stillness we (sometimes) miss.

[Spoken Word]: To Be Weak by Yvette Hess

image

To be Weak by Yvette Hess

Protected,
cocooned
My memory flickers but
That is what I felt that that clinic.
The one for our
Depressives and the disorderly-

But not really loved were we,  not by all the staff.
It just held me,
us- for a little while,
From the buzz in our heads, buzz from Main road
Buzz from the world.

And now I miss  some of the soft-spoken nurses and the horrible food that needed more affection.

But why? I’m home. At the clinic I longed to be home, and be that a home for my children.

Now I see I fight the battles the clinic gave me tools
And strength to use.
To fight the daily wars we enter into;
Small, and deep ones we hardly know are there.

But I don’t want to fight.

In this very moment,  I am timid and needing that frail old nurse and her kind words
And my hospital bed in the corner:
A moment and a place
To be weak.

[New Poem] : Save Me

Save me, Save me

From them who want that

Vibrant me,

Happy me-

She is not me

Today.

Love me, love me,

All those raw bits

the sore bits,

Who I am today.

Heal me,

Hold me

While I hurt

For yesterday.

Forgive me, please

all these versions of whoever

is eaten.

My Insides devoured,

the whole of me,

A nobody,

possessed by her, the Manic fever.

New Year, New Tomorrow

December,

oozing yellows and blues

sun and sky

fairy lights and smoky eyes.

Ripe,

Bursting fruit-

the juice of happiness

promises us the new year.

The last moon

Heals

Yesterdays.

We kiss goodnight,

Eyes shut,

Tight.

“Hold onto tomorrow,”

The daybreak sings in delight.

You have tomorrow.

Life holds you, today,

For your New tomorrow.

[New Poem]: Freedom between my thighs

The Freedom between my thighs
Consoles his fears
Of being a smaller man,
A lesser man
By consuming me.

Fists aim for the sky
But land on either eye-
I’m blinded my promises,
Once again Left
Empty.
My insides hate me for allowing
His bitter tongue to taste me.

So I wait for the lashings daily
Expectant,
Pregnant with the truth
Pregnant with his fruit
Ignorant to the fact that I can escape:
And live life full,
Not bruised,
Not used.
Not only seeing black and blue
In the rainbow.

What rainbow?
What chivalry?
What loyalty?
What honesty?

My soul weeps, shrivelled next to yours
Cut deep because of words
Swords of neglect
Cursings I’d like to forget
You rip me to pieces with that look-
That look that says
I disgust you
That I remind you
Of your father who killed your mother
He stabbed her.
He killed her.
He kicked her.
He fed her and she was grateful.

You were born of this,
Borne with arms high,
Borne fighting.
You were born crying.

This child of ours, will be born
Also fighting,
Cursed: He born there, dying.

Poems from the Past: The Ease of Smiling

This I found on my other blog. I think I was going through a mixed state. I had load of energy to write many dark pieces.

The ease of smiling

has made my healing

Somewhat misleading.

I thought it could

Heal my heart as it should

And not taint my spirit as it would.

In fact.

My smile begged me to appear

Happier and dry that forsaken tear.

Smiling can be so damn deceiving

Never quite revealing,

The raw state of my bleeding.