I have to take my pills now…

“I used to be so embarrassed when my mom shouted after me when I left the house. “Ilze!! Did you remember your pills!!?” I am not anymore, that is love. Complete love and care and support.”

This too used to be embarrassing to me when my husband would ask me if I took my tablets. I had become dependent on someone else: my worst nightmare. But I learnt over a long time that it wasn’t about him having power over me, or being stronger than me, but rather that he was helping me be the best version of Yvette there is. A stable Yvette with hopes and dreams.

Power to you Ilze. x

Our Lived Experience

Antidepressants. Mood stabilizers. Epillum, Cerelift, Serdep, Seroquel, Lithium, Epitec, Fluoxetine… And so you can add and add and add. Isn’t it amazing how our eyes light up when we hear others are on the same meds that we are? Our meds. We start to own it after a while. Or does it really own us?

In the beginning of this ten year journey, it owned me. I was confused and when my first psychiatrist implied that I will die without the meds (using the metaphor of a diabetic needing insulin), I thought this was surely a death sentence. I am forever different. I have been labelled as weaker than others because my brain plays tricks on me. I have to be checked on and asked about my pill intake for the rest of my life. I have to report back on all my moods and give a full account of…

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