I felt waves of “better” and “improvement ” blow over me yesterday. I thought that I may be suffering from rapid cycling because it seems at least once a month I suffer a bit of a high and a very low low. But due to me being unmedicated for a time period, hubby said my results and thus deduction may be skewed. So, we will have to make sure I keep to meds for the next while to verify my previous hypothesis.
But yes, I think I am recovering or experiencing some kind of increasing high. I just bought the women’s health magazine with Khloe Kardashian on the cover where she looks super hot. Okay more than that, she looks happy and proud of her weight loss achievement. I want that too. During my down I kept in breaking my diet because I craved sugar. It gave me mini highs ( which was the real craving).
Trying to lose weight and feeling down doesn’t work, so I postponed my diet or eating plan till I’m more stable. This was a move I needed to make because if I cheat I just pack on the guilt due to stabbing myself in the back. It becomes an ugly cycle. Too ugly to describe. So I won’t.
I felt motivated enough to pull I my stomach in AND write a really sensitive piece of my memoir. It’s taking a lot out of me but surprisingly I’m pushing through. I’m also considering putting some of my pieces up for people to read and comment on. Maybe it’s a good idea?
Any hoot. I don’t know if there’s really such a thing as recovery, but I’m getting to being “ok”.
That’s okay with me.