The new adventure: day f#@$ six

Today is Friday,  my day off. I’m sitting outside reading How not to murder your husband , by Stephanie Calman. She shares my grudge of having a so-called perfect husband. You know the one everyone praises and you wish they could live with him for a week and see if they change their minds.  Anyway,  I digress.

It’s been a rough week and because I’m terribly impatient I expected myself to be settled in already.  I started the negative self talk again which often is set off because there’s dirty dishes. I know my mother would NEVER have dirty dishes and so the spiral of comparison brings me down. I’m not beautiful anymore,  I am not talented enough, I can’t write,  I’m not a leader anymore,  I’m not thin (see how petty I’m getting) and lastly I don’t fit in with certain people. Look that’s a topic all on its own. Just typing this is making me sad. 😦 Am I getting depressed?  What are MY signs?  One of my fellow online friends I should give myself time. She’s right but I keep believing I’m programmed to think that I don’t have time. Everything needs to be felt and learned, now. Old people will tell you this is impossible.  They are right but we choose to live differently.

I have never been patient with myself. All my goals and timelines are set to zero and if I don’t achieve them I die inside a few thousand deaths. Then I go for the impossible again. My parents are probably to blame for this and they know it. My memoir will probably have all the details but I must thank them for it too. I have the ability to push through almost any adversity life spin balls at me, even the ones beginning with the capital M,  ME. I hold myself back in so many ways it’s scary. 

I hope this move to this somewhat sleepy town will teach me about patience.

I need it. Now.

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2 thoughts on “The new adventure: day f#@$ six

  1. dyane says:

    If I’m the one who told you to give yourself time, I apologize! 😉 Profusely! Because I feel the exact same way as you today.

    What I’ll never apologize for writing/tweeting/singing (maybe even screaming! 😉 is how freakin’ talented you are as a writer, not to mention all the other amazing qualities you have: mental health luminary, loving wife ‘n mother, loyal friend, and much more. So while today is filled with impatience and you’re worn out from a particularly rough week, I hope that your new digs will help you move through the frustrating morass and into the greatness that I know your life holds for you.

    Like

    • Yve's Corner says:

      Thank you thank you thank you a million times over and over and certainly over and over again. Thanks for being that friend who just gets everything you’re feeling and never holds a grudge if I can’t reply. I can’t maintain friendships very well so you’re like a pot of hold to me 🙂 I truly hope we meet this year. … because well, I’m too impatient to meet next year. Hahaha. I am so happy you got your book deal- you’re one of those genuine good people that good stuff NEEDS to happen to and for you. Thank you for giving me hope by just being the person you are and being around (virtually speaking).

      Love you, Kitt and Walker loads.

      Liked by 1 person

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