Many of us have suffered from depression, but too many have not spoken up about it. Either because we fear what others would say, or worse, in our attempt to voice our state: it’s too late. The illness, and that’s exactly what is, took our breath away.
There are varying degrees to the extent to which this monster can take over your life, more so it becomes part of your. One would think it becomes your life, but how can it, is it not death?
I’ve attempted suicide more than once, all attempts failed obviously. It would be pretty messed up if I succeeded and you could still read this post.
While I know of any many who did not survive their attempts – these which include pupils in school, to people from church and of course the likes of Robin Williams. Of course you knew I’d mention him, it’s 2014, he’s still relevant. Besides the fact of being a celebrity, he highlights an aspect of depression worth mentioning. People who tell jokes, make others happy, could suffer from depression, and thus suffer from any other mental illness. It does not take away from their talents, it just takes away from their ability to perform that talent sometimes. We think of depression as an emotion. It cannot be. An emotion is something we can control and illness we cannot. It has an ability to control you. It can consume you, especially if you do not seek help to manage it. Robin brought us smiles, but he could not control the enemy that eventually brought him to his knees.
In my experience with depression, I didn’t hear voices to do bad things. No. The shadow showed member in flashes of images on what I had to do. All day I’d walk around with ideas of how to end it all- none of thee complicated: just simples before and afters of what I did and the freedom of being gone would bring.
I’m happier now.
And I’ve had some to think about if this illness has anything more to offer besides endless images of death, and longing to be free of this heaviness that is depression. I came up with a few I’m sure many survivors have more.
It’s taught me that life is indeed short. You only realize this when you come close to giving your life away.
I’ve learned that just because I am depressed, it doesn’t mean I can’t express or experience happiness. When you’re depressed, every day is the end, so of course it’s going to feel like you’re unhappy forever. Every bit of the last life you live, sucks. But, more often that not, it’s not that last day, and you should realize that you do not want to live like that forever. I try to live like imagining every moment I live as the past, and be in that moment of appreciating every second ticking by and carry it through in the tasks and the love I give. When you’re experiencing psychosis this isn’t always easy. But it’s doable.
Most importantly I realize that mental illness does not make you less worthy of a person.
It has taught me to be the best I can be, regardless of illness.
It’s taught me go forgive myself too.
And to be kind to myself.
Robin Williams isn’t the poster child for depression, but rather the idea that depression can affect anyone.
Make your mental well-being, your responsibility and a priority.