Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t say that I’m feeling down. I feel good. But a bad kind of good.
Last week I felt like a fabulous rock-star-hot-mamma diva of note! This week I feel like, ‘eh’. But, I know why.
Hubby and I had a bit much to drink this weekend, and by hubby, I mean me, I had a bit much to drink. I hadn’t had a sip of alcohol and real coffee in 2 weeks and suddenly, on Friday I downed 2 mugs of the good stuff and had wine and beer (light beer) on Saturday. Ok, on Saturday and Sunday. I missed the stuff okay. At the same time I missed the buzz I got from them. What I didn’t miss was the crash. I had a hangover (who does that at this day and age) and a mood.
Most people just have the hangover. Mood had dipped a little, but that little was just enough to totally throw me off my routine for the week.
Instead of having energy to do everything in the small gaps I usually get when th little boys are napping, I had yawns. And I felt a cloud lay low over my head. They cloud was a blue-grey, luckily not a big black scribble. Those are reserved for the morning after Manic Mondays. I’d pop a seroquel as my morning-after pill! 😉
I still feel great despite feeling crappy. For the first time in YEARS I feel like I know what went wrong and why. I know how to fix it. I feel in control. I feel empowered. And that’s pretty awesome for a sufferer since childhood. (I’m planning to write a memoir to document it all btw!)
When I’m well, I can maintain routine pretty well. I don’t ONLY depend on my natural rhythms of a mom. But when I’m unwell, I kick into bare survival mode and do what I can, when I can and sleep during any time in between that.
What do YOU depend to keep you stable? A schedule, or your rhythms? Can/ should we depend on our rhythms when we’re mentally ill? Have there been instances when either a schedule or your mood failed you?
I invite you to blog on the topic “Rhythms vs Routine”
Let me know 🙂