[New Post]: Wishful Thinking

I’ve been blogging in my mind. I’ve been writing ‘my book’ in my mind. I’ve been surviving life, mostly in my mind. I think this is a good thing- because my mind is not always a wonderland.

I thought it would be easy to blog a few posts, ‘quickies’ as I termed them, but not once did I find the time for a quickie. Okay, I lie, I’ve had lots of quickie time, but not once did a surge of energy, a waterfall of words and time to blog a quickie, (nevermind blogging fourplay of intros and conclusions) merge in to one published mini splat of words. Ulgh.

But I have so much to tell!

My dad always used to say, if you want to get up early, you will. Surely then if I REALLY want to write, I would, right?
I’d write a book.
I’d write a song.

Then why why why can’t I find the time to write, if what my dad said is true, that is?

For the past couple of months I’ve been battling from not being able to sleep to headaches, psoriasis, stress, my own body issues (duh), severe back ache. Been popping several pills to alleviate some of the above. Last week, I woke up and couldn’t open my eyes, and my mouth was frozen shut. I tried hard to open my mouth to tell my husband I could hear him. The torment passed after a few minutes. I couldn’t help but wonder what’s happening to me. It’s scary when your body starts to crumble.

Alexander (16months old) and Gabriel (5months old) have this new gimmick where they cry at the same time. They cry for and because of one another. It’s enough to drive anyone mad or more mad. Then there’s Cayden whose been misbehaving in class. His teacher is at her wit’s end, but she understands it must be crazy at home and all he wants is my attention.

Mine. My attention. Attention I can’t even give myself.

What was I thinking? Me? A stay at home mom? Do all stay at home moms feel trampled on? Like this is way, way more challenging that a job. I was in consulting in the IT audit arena. There were deadlines, politics and drama, but nothing and nothing as intense as this! But you know what, I still this- being-at-home-gig better than work. Well sort of. This gig is rewarding, just not financially rewarding.

Maybe it was wishful thinking to resign. But I’m still tired-eyes, I mean, starry eyed. This is the biggest leap of (true) faith i’ve had to make yet. Guess that’s what comes with the package of parenting, take leaps of faith. Praying that what you’re doing would benefit your children. Even if that means sacrificing your career for a few years.

I’m still a woman, a writer, a (student)leader, a visionary, a change-maker, an entrepreneur, a VOICE. I’m all of that, wrapped up in a MOM box.

Tied with a bow of course!

-me-

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