I sat down and started writing my “New Year’s” blog post when I realised that I may just be wasting everyone’s time, including my own. So I scrapped it, kind of.
I have spent weeks reflecting – and have come to the conclusion that every year is the same- ups and downs, ins and outs. So the constant, as the cliché would aptly describe, is change. What differs then? Year to year- I realized that even though everything changes, and life seemingly becomes a lot more complicated, you ,as a person, are growing, learning with EVERY experience. Experience in itself that could be good or bad, new or the same experiences appearing in a more amplified sense. Some people like to throw the word ‘Karma’ in when it comes to experiencing many bad things in one year (because of your own wrong doing). But blame it not on Karma, I blame it on Carmen. I’ll explain.
Let’s take a look at where experiences, or problems, come from Carmen= People. People.
Either people have caused problems directly, through negligence or intended harm, or their views or opinions based on YOUR own doings have become problematic FOR THEM and as a result, a problem now for you.
In the same breath, I’d like to mention that I’m a firm believer that: ‘I am because of other people’. Whether that is because of the way my parents have raised me, interactions with people at any given time, friends or family, through work experiences, fact is: people have shaped who I am. I think it quite problematic then, that the very cause of my being is linked to issues and problems I face, daily. If people are the cause of both joy and pain, how can I live abundantly, happily without worries and such? I have been pondering about this for many years. Where does the balance lie in involving people in your life, where do their opinions matter in your affairs and where does one need time away from people? A few obvious clues to mention: one cannot exclude all people (impossible), and at the same time, one cannot have too many people in one’s life. I believe that’s just looking for trouble- you could lose yourself in the mix. Before I continue, let me pause to consider two types extremes in types of social people: extremely popular you-need-to-know-everything –about-me-I-live-for-attention kind of persons and please-don’t look-at-me kind of private persons. Does the type of social person you are affect the amount of happiness you have? Maybe very private people are very happy people- or just content, or just confused as to what their place are in the circle of life. Maybe people who love the attention of others thrive or maybe they’re needy. Being both at times a very social person, as well as a very private person- I’ve come to understand where the magic happens, getting that balance in attaining and retaining happiness, in the context of people directly (and indirectly) affecting my happiness. Well, I believed it be a magical finding.
“Living life not on the edge, but on the margin”- in the context I describe above, this relates to who you include in your life and why. You may have many friends who make you happy and many enemies who hurt you (or friends for that matter), but the real difference comes at the margin: where that one friend (or experience of a friend) makes an effort to be by your side (possibly), when you needed it most, for the right reason. Or perhaps you have friends galore, and just that handful you never contact- and just when you do they fill a void or change your perspective in a simple way- which brings you a deep joy. Or you’re a private person, possibly someone with no friends, and upon meeting a stranger, they enlighten you to a different way of thinking or way of life, which completely changes your world. On the margin.
It happens, like that. It reminds me of that book/ movie: “Eat, Pray, Love”: Julia Roberts found true happiness later on in her life. She embarked on a journey on supposed self-discovery, she had to be conscious of people she had in her life before, the life she lead (even though she had some good money, was married etc) and was leading: she got to the point where what she had was “too much of what wasn’t right for her”. That imbalance caused much unhappiness. She then met an array of new people all providing new ideas and wonderful insights into life- still her not finding the balance. No bit of meditation could help her. In my personal opinion, I would say that new guy she met, with the very, very lovely accent, brought her to the point (the margin), where she had to ask herself important questions, and make the changes necessary for her to be truly happy.
I wish had the perfect conclusion- but this was me thinking out loud (or in writing, if you will).
Life is getting more and more complicated- but I for one would like to learn how to keep the right stuff (often nonsense) out and retain sanity and all things good.
Instead of living on the edge, daring to be different, I want to live on the margin- being open to possibilities of having abundant happiness- in the smallest of ways, because of the insight of one person or because of one life sacrificed, one concept expressed, one thought or idea born.
Mrs Y (lol)