** Disclaimer: I make up words as I go along**
As the title suggests- this short piece centres around what kills relationships. These, obviously amongst other numerous reasons. Forgive my bitterness- just discovered I’m a bitter woman. But I’ll have a sense of humour about- and laugh. Har- Har.
Ever noticed how friends are just the best people to have in your life? You know, those amazing people you choose to have around you. Then one day, romance comes along- sparks fly and you’re in a relationship. Down the hill the romance goes and sparks die, dead. How did it happen?
I know how. The first way, through- expectations. Yes, specifically those that don’t coincide or change as time goes-a-flying-by. I expect this, and you expect that- sometimes there are possibilities that either one’s expectations can change- other times not. It’s got nothing to do with love, really. Because the feelings are there, and they are strong. It’s what works, what’s tolerable and what’s good for both partners. Yes? I hope so. I have an ex who only works as a friend/ big brother- when we were together, we expected too much from one another- and it smothered the growth of the relationship. This is fine, in my opinion, because now I have a great friend and I don’t have to fight with him every day.
In the title, I mentioned ellipses. Yes, those cute little dots we put at the end of a sentence. Those words often elude to, what? Who knows. They open the can of ‘mystery’, ‘uncertainty’ and ‘promise of everythings and nothings’, all at the same time. Let me give you and example. Person A: “I miss you… I love you… We should make plans.. Yes, maybe one day… I’m not sure… Let’s see…” Wow, and then? It’s like they are open-ended conversations that go either really badly or really well, very quickly. What’s wrong with that? Maybe nothing, maybe a lot is wrong with too much freedom and open-endededness… <—see what I did there? These dots leaves you to think, but by yourself. And we all (should) know when you think by yourself, and reflect alone- it's good- it's great. Just sometimes you get stuck in 'alone-ness'. Once that happens- you forget about what any one else thinks or feels and all you have is your ellipses. The dangers are, in my opinion, that if there is no direction in the relationship, or no communication as to what the direction should be- open-endedness can kill the relationship. Yada Yada, trod along, here we go- let's follow the ellipses, but where to?
And finally the last 'E' I can address is 'effort'. I feel like this is an obvious one. Or is it? What is effort? Some liken this, in relationships, to romance or spontaneous romantic gestures. Eh, maybe they are right. I believe it's more than the 'romance' and the pink, warm, mushy stuff we attach to effort in relationships. Effort is a broad term for: 'do what you can to make that person you're with know that you're happy, you appreciate them, and you want to give attention because they deserve it- in a way that they can feel it- not how you you would want it'. Or am I pushing it, a bit? I think I had this conversation with an ex. He asked, "How am I supposed to know what you like and what you want me to do?" My reply: "You used to do all those things when you were trying to get my attention. Now, do those things to keep it." I paused and then said, "Ask me, or google it. But do it."
Triple E effect.
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